March is the month which gives a special thrill to freshmen because they realize the desires which were suppressed during the previous 3 years because of the College Scholastic Ability Test. One of the desires is dating. In the dramas, dating in university means going to the library to study, holding hands during class, etc. However, they have lots of worries also. In the previous 3 years, they spent most of their time studying, so they don’t know how to develop a relationship from friend to admired person even if they have a crush on someone. Therefore, we looked into 5 books to find useful methods of psychology that can be used in different relationship situations and organized them. -Ed.


 
Situation 1 : One-sided love
A is a freshman. When she joined the department drinking party, she fell in love with B. B’s face was full of smiles, and he had a sweet voice. The most attractive thing about B is his handsome face. Unfortunately, he is popular among women. Far from being in a special relationship with him, it is hard for him to recognize her existence. What should she do to get a date with him?
In this situation, being close with him is the most important thing. The way to do this is divided into 3 steps. First, meet him as much as possible. American psychologist Mr. Zions, who did an experiment on college students, proved that people have more interest in someone who is seen frequently. The second step is giving information to that person. If you have an opportunity to talk with that person, tell him/her your light secrets or experiences. In this conversation, the listener begins to feel ‘repay’ pressure, so he/she also tells their stories. Then, both of you have a special feeling like a sense of kinship or intimacy. The last way is promoting self-esteem by asking for advice concerning troubles. It was proved by Grey, who is a psychologist in America, that most people feel more pride after other people help them to deal with problems. In addition, as you can explore another person by listening to his/her advice, it has the effect of killing two birds with one stone.
After attracting someone by using these ways frequently, you have to ask for a date. There are two ways to do this. One is ‘Door-in-the-face’. First, you suggest a slightly onerous idea after proposing a lighter one. In other words, ask, “Have dinner with me,” to the prospective dater first. After he/she rejects the request, suggest a lighter thing like “Let’s drink cup of tea together.” However, be careful not to pester with persistent questions. The other is ‘Foot-in-the-door’ which this psychology states that people feel guilty after rejecting a lighter request. In short, you can just ask, “Let’s stop for a beer after class.”

Situation 2 : Blind date
Man A has a plan to have a blind date with woman B this Sunday. Having lots of curiosity, he researches her SNS using her name and cell phone number. After he finds her SNS, he wants to be successful on the blind date because she is the most beautiful woman he has seen. What should he do to get another date from her?
First, we can use the ‘halo’ effect. People unconsciously think a person who has a good appearance is good in other areas. In blind dating, where first impressions are important, you have to put lots of attention on appearance. Because of this, there are small differences between women and men. Women care about make-up and men care about clothes and hair styles. The reason is that when women judge men’s appearances, they include hair and clothes. On the other hand, men place emphasis only on the face.
Second, women use the effect of curve. The evolutionary biologist Mr. Shin said, “Men are attracted to the women’s body curve”. The curve from waist to pelvis is a result of estrogen. The less clear the curve is the higher the possibility that the woman will have diseases. The men’s psychology to find a clear curved women is an unconscious act to meet healthy women.
The last one is color psychology. People look different depending on which color of clothes they wear. If you wear white clothes on a blind date, you can give a pure and clean impression, but it can also give a cynical and brisk impression. Then, to avoid the situation, you can wear vividly colored clothes. Red feels romantic, and orange creates a shiny and bright atmosphere.

Successful case in the real world
To know the effectiveness of psychological methods, we analyzed a real couple’s love story from crush to couple. Kim Tun-tun(false name)(’13 Chungbuk National University, woman) had special feelings toward an elder, seeing his sociable attitude and humor. They had a 7 year gap in age, but now they have been a CC(Campus Couple) for over 200 days. Seeing the process of becoming a couple, she thought that being in a close relationship with him is the first thing she had to do. Then, she sent Kakaotalk messages to him 5~6 days a week, and after she knew he liked alcohol, she called him for every drink party. Sometimes, she stimulated his protective instinct by telling him about her problems and worries. She told some men who had been interested in her to cause jealousy.
She was in a similar situation as situation 1 and used the psychology well. She kept sending messages to him so that she could frequently meet him on-line. In addition, she met him many times face to face to drink together. Plus, she gave him her information like problems, men who liked her, etc. She used more than 3 psychological methods.
 
Expert’s advice for dreamers to date
Park Jin-jin, who is a writer and love-columnist, gives advice to freshmen who have lots of expectations and fears about dating and how to avoid regretful relationships. “There is no unrepentant love. The reason is we can do our best during dating. The only way is to reduce regretful experiences as you increase the dating experiences. It is impossible not to get injuries while dating because the ending time is different for each person.”
In addition, she answered the question about the way to know if an admired person has a good personality. “It is important to find a man who is good for me, not for others. In dating, a person who is good for others has a possibility to be bad for me, so don’t judge a person in a short time. Plus, don’t ask about your situation to people around you like friends because most people reframe their situation when they deliver their story to others.
However, it is important that if you are too reliant on theories, unpredictable results can come, because of reality variables. The theories are a general result of probability and statistics, so you must not trust them blindly. In the real world, you have to have not only theories but also your own thinking to consider reality variables for successful dating.

By Lee Da-yeon

dy34@cbnu.ac.kr